What to Expect When You’re a Middle Eastern Improviser

There wasn't a “How to Be a Middle Eastern Improviser” edition already in circulation, which isn’t surprising. We’re a complicated (race? region? ethnic group?) that folks tend not to want to talk about on account of... well... it being the Middle East.

So, I'm taking the wheel (which was invented in Mesopotamia, by the way) and delivering some helpful hints to the 20-ish of us improvisers of Middle Eastern decent currently traversing the Chicago comedy scene—and hopefully providing some insight to those of you who share the stages with us.

Avoid dying from minority exhaustion

While it’s a fun notion to consider the myriad of race-based characters we can play, sometimes being so ethnically ambiguous can be cause for an identity crisis. Not to mention, it’s insulting to be asked  “Wait…so…what are you?”

[A human.]

And when that’s not enough, “Wait...so...Where are you from?”

[Insert American city in which you were born and raised.]

“Originally...?"

[Repeat American city in which you were born raised.]

And when that’s not enough, people assume that “you’re Indian, right? Greek? German Shepherd/Poodle mix?” Remember, folks—assuming makes an ass out of you and Middle Easterners who look vaguely like other races.

To be clear, it’s not insulting to be asked to identify our backgrounds. That’s just people’s lizard-brained label-makers trying to work themselves out. Everyone’s got that. A note to all: don’t be afraid to ask! As a matter of fact, take it one step further: follow the fear, and use those handy-dandy improv skills in listening and remembering the answer! Otherwise, I’m doomed to endure this kind of conversation for the rest of my life:

“Atra, what’s that?”

[Explain it’s Assyrian]

“Assyrian… What’s that?”

[Throw down a complex history lesson.]

“Wow. Cool. Hey, everyone! This is my friend, Astro. She’s Syrian.”

[Die of minority exhaustion.]

Having it ethni-splained for you

Non-Middle Easterners have the tendency to ethni-splain how they know more about Middle Eastern politics than you do. If you can, just sit back and let them make a fool out of themselves; you’ve had a lifetime’s worth of practice handling abrasive, stubborn people like this. (I’m lookin’ at you, Auntie Layla.)

Don’t assume every Middle Easterner knows everything about the Middle East. I am surprised by new facts, news and stories about the region just like you are.

That being said, I have strong political opinions involving the region. Not all Middle Easterners do. I happened to grow up watching CNN’s Gulf War coverage with my parents and love engaging in political discussions. Sometimes, though, as a Middle Eastern improviser, folks you don’t know that well will message you out of the blue with chit-chat starters like...

• “What do you/your family think of what’s happening in Iran?”
• “Hey could you translate Arabic for me…”
• “Is it hard to fast for so long?”

And when time is taken to answer these seemingly well-meaning questions, there are barely ever responses back, save for a few white guilt-dipped “I’m so sorries,” which don’t do anything for anyone.

The Theater Threat Alert is at Level Orange

Whenever you make a satirical move to initiate a scene as a terrorist, you feel the five-to-ten second “IS THIS OKAY???” delay from everyone in the room. Including your teammates. Yet, somehow you’ll be the first one to get pimped into playing a terrorist, when all you wanted to do was play the president of your Schamburgian condo association.

Punchlines that will make the crowd uncomfortably silent when delivered by a Middle Eastern improviser:

• ISIS
• Bomb
• Terrorist
• Iraq
• Syria
• Iran
• Baghdad
• Operation Desert Storm
• Refugee Crisis

Punchlines that will make the crowd shriek with uproarious laughter when anyone else on stage delivers them:

• ISIS
• Bomb
• Terrorist
• Iraq
• Syria
• Iran
• Baghdad
• Operation Desert Storm
• Refugee Crisis

Audience. Blows. Up.

Food is “exotic;” people are not

The oddity of sharing your favorite foods like Baklava or kibbeh at a team potluck will only be revealed to you when you’re standing amidst Velveeta casseroles and apple pies, hearing your contributions referred to as “exotic.”

However, you will rank the hummus served at various theaters best to worst. You will keep this list to yourself. I would go so far as to say you might actually go out of your way *not* to publicly order the hummus, because you don’t want to be a stereotype…but that would be absurd. No one does that. Even at its worst, hummus is delicious.

What is our role?

On paper, we’re considered Caucasian/Non-Hispanic. Geographically, we’re considered West Asian. In person, we’re often looked over. After multiple invasions and wars, displacements and decimations, all we get is an “other” box to mark on official forms. Within the Middle East, there are more than just Muslims, more than just Sunni and Shi’a. Even within Sunni and Shi’a, there are complex tribes, sects and various levels of traditions.

As mentioned in the beginning of this article, in the Chicago improv/sketch scene, there might be around 20 Middle Easterners of which I am aware—and that’s an incredibly generous figure. And when two of us do meet, there is an immediate and uncontrollable ululating…internally, of course, so we don’t raise the Theater Threat Alert levels from orange to red.

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 Atra Asdou is a writer/actor/improviser based in Chicago. A graduate of iO, The Second City Training Center and the SCTC's Severn Darden Program, she can be seen improvising with THE PERM, SPIDER IN THE CAR, and performing in Lookingglass' BLOOD WEDDING March-April 2016.