'Boy, Those Sanders Supporters Sure Sound Sexist, Especially Compared to Ex-President Bill Clinton' by Clint Billton

To Whom It May Concern:

There are three things that nobody can deny about politics:

1. The current Democratic presidential primary is heating up.
2. Politics brings out the best in some and the worst in many others.
3. Bill Clinton is definitely better for women than the average Sanders supporter.

Everywhere you go online, you can find people debating the finer points of policy between Sanders and Clinton. And when you do, you’ll undoubtedly see what I’ve seen--that every time a female says that she is supporting for the wonderful Hillary Clinton, there are a million comments from white, frat-boy Bernie Bros telling her how dumb she is. Make no mistake: this is wrong, and former President of the United States Bill Clinton would never act like this.

The truth is, women love Hillary because she’s taking a stance for women’s rights everywhere. And I love those women. I mean, Bill loves those women. Wait. Scratch that. 

I mean, I see articles in the 'Washington Post' and the 'Daily Mail' about online “Berners” and their bad reputations all the time. Even Bernie himself had to issue a press statement condemning sexist behavior from his followers. But it seems like maybe Senator Sanders isn’t the kind of role model these men need, because the issue keeps coming up. Instead, maybe they should be looking up to a man like Bill Clinton, who has never been officially charged with a sexual crime.

 And by that, I mean to say that even Clinton’s extramarital affairs were all definitely 100% consensual.

And by that, I mean to say that hey, if Bill Clinton ever demeaned a woman online, do you think he’d still be married?

The point is, all these BernBoy SandMans are going around on the Internet trying to intimidate women into keeping their opinions to themselves. And that’s wrong. It’d be almost as wrong as intimidating a woman into silence when she presses sexual harassment charges. Bill Clinton didn’t do that. Bill Clinton always settles his cases out of court. Which is good.

Is this what we want as a country? To have a president coast into office on the back of sexism and misogyny? I don’t think so. So let’s chastise these Boy-knee mih-Sand-jer-nists and get Hillary and Bill back in the White House, where neither of them have ever done anything wrong that was provable by a court of law.

With Regards,

Clint Billton

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Follow more of Alan Linic's (@alanlinic) writing at nomadwriting.tumblr.com.