Tax Deductions Women Truly Deserve

Most Americans dread that time of year when our bank accounts are depleted of our hard, or semi-hard, earned money. No, not the holiday season, Tax Day! While some receive beefy returns, a lot owe to Big Daddy Government. Since women generally earn 79 cents to every dollar men do, it only makes sense to have tax deductions specifically for us.

Here are some suggestions.

Uber, Lyft & Taxi Rides

Beyoncé forbid the wind ruins your hair—or you insist on wearing those awesome 6-inch lucite stripper heels instead of sensible flats. Unless you have a car, or can afford to have people carry you around like Ariana Grande and Mariah Carey, you need to get a ride. Let's face it, when you're all dolled up, public transportation isn't an option.

*This deduction should be applied to drag queens, too.

Public Transportation

Because most of the time, you *are* wearing sensible flats and also have to go places. For the price of just a bus or train fare, women get to enjoy manspreading, being told they're "beautiful” by a creepy stranger, and then, after not responding, hearing a slew of expletives.

Tinder Dates

Tinder is free to use, but unless your dates only take place on park benches, you’ll end up spending money. The aforementioned Uber rides necessitate arriving decent and unscathed by public transportation, but that French 75 isn't going to pay for itself. When it comes to first dates, there’s no guarantee the other person will foot the bill.

Or look like their photos.

Not Having Children

There’s a tax deduction for new parents, but what about for women who actively choose to not get knocked up? They’re doing our over-populated Earth a solid, even more so than the people who get to write off switching to LED lightbulbs.

Bras & Tampons

Sure, some women choose not to use tampons, but there are millions who do— and men do not, while wearing 50% fewer undergarments. Several states charge a “luxury tax” for feminine hygiene products. Yeah, because having a personal Shark Week once a month is such a luxury everyone should be so lucky to have! How about women get a break for getting dealt this biological hand?

Pinterest Boarding

Some people treat updating their boards like it's their job. Think of all the brides-to-be who've gained inspiration for their weddings from various boards like "Artisanal Rustic Nuptials," "Carnival Caravan of Dreams," or "My Future Wedding" to apply towards their own big day without paying a wedding planner. 

Extra Blocks Walked

Of course everyone could us more exercise, but having to take a longer, more well-lit and more inconvenient route home because you’re being followed by a creepy dude is no one’s cardio workout of choice. 

Actually, this one should be applied as a discount on health insurance. 

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Dana Angelo (@Dana_Angelo) is a comedy writer and performer originally from the majestic state of New Jersey. Her work has been featured at Reductress, Maxim and The Paper Machete.