Take Our Daughters and Sons to Work Day Alternatives for Realists

Thursday, April 28th is Take Our Daughters and Sons to Work Day. As the catchy, Ulysses-length title implies, this annual event invites parents to bring their rugrats along to the workplace, ostensibly to provide a sneak peek at the Sisyphean, soul-crushing slog of adulthood. Like American Idol or Johnny Manziel, this event seemed like a good idea on paper, but in practice quickly devolved into a five-alarm dumpster fire.

Here are some alternatives for realists.

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Take Our Daughters and Sons to the Home Office to Shriek Over Our Freelance Project Conference Calls Just Like Every Other Day
Take Our Daughters and Sons to All Three Benefit-less Jobs We Work as a Single Mom Day
Please Take Our Daughters and Sons, Just Until 2:30, I Have Two Deadlines and a Migraine Day
Take Our Daughters and Sons to the Work Interview Where We Use Them as a Visual Aid to Explain Our Four-Year Resume Gap Day
Take Our Daughters and Sons to Work But Bribe Them Not to Mention They All Had Lice Last Week Day
Take Our Daughters and Sons to Work But Give Our Daughters 77% of Lunch to Make an Important Point About Lingering Inequality Day
Take Our Daughters and Sons to the Work That Refused to Pay You for Even One Second of Maternity Leave When You Had Them Day
Take Our Daughters and Sons to Work and Right Back Home After They Set a Fire in the Supply Closet Day
Take Our Daughters and Sons to Work For All 16 Hours of Our Double Shift at Arby’s Day* (*In Canada, this is known as Deep Fryer Labour Armistice and is celebrated in July)
Take Our Daughters and Sons to Work at the Hip Digital Agency Where No One Else Has Kids and Watch Them All Squirm Day
Take Our Daughters and Sons to Work and Hide Them Under Your Desk with Legos and iPhones Just Like You Secretly Do Every Thursday Since the Sitter Flaked Day
Take Our Daughters and Sons to Work Because There’s Inexplicably a Statistically Lower Chance for an Active Shooter Situation In Our Downtown Skyscraper Day
It’s Your Weekend to Take Our Daughters and Sons, Keith, and Maybe Don’t Let Your Weed Dealer Cheezburger Mike Hang Around This Time Day
Take Our Daughters and Sons to the Living Room Because Childcare is Too Expensive to Go Back to Work Day