Your Complete Guide to Touring the George Lucas Empty South Soldier Field Parking Lot

Summer is a great time to explore the vast cultural experiences Chicago has to offer—especially the newest and most-talked about spot in the South Loop, the George Lucas Empty South Soldier Field Parking Lot Complex and Gastropub!

With the recent scuttling of another possibly-legal thing Rahm Emanuel supported, the two lots south of the Bears’ home funerals remain desolate space. It would be a bummer if our only way to nerd out on the Museum Campus is by visiting the several museums there, so plan an outing to the site of what could have been.

Here’s the can’t-miss guide!

Parking

Available! Kinda what it’s there for. Maybe George Lucas himself balked at the $700 million price tag for building the complex, but lose your ticket, and that’s pretty much the 24-hour fee. Hotspot!

While You’re There

Kick back and relax on the concrete, taking in a scenic view of the yellow-hued parking lines. Some of the sides of the concrete have emphatic ridges. Attempt a crouched stoop on one of them and ponder how GL came up with the story for Indiana Jones. Or get a bit of exercise on the Friends of the Parks’ newly constructed rock wall, the Slippery Slope! Solo and group lovefest!

Dock Holiday

Ah, yes, those Friends of the Parks. Thanks to their fabuloso work to file a slammin’ lawsuit preventing the mayor from leasing the acreage of land for the purpose of building the arts and culture center through the Chicago Park District’s offer of $99 for 99 years, the Burnham Harbor boat rest area remains unblemished. Take in a spectacular view of rotting buoys, and imagine each individual dock is one of the planets in the Star Wars universe! It will feel like Tatooine in the middle of that lot when the midday sun is crackling down on the pavement beneath. WiFi-acsexible!

Refreshments

Refresh yourself by perusing the options of gum or hard candy that have fallen out of bicyclists’ pockets (wrappers delight!), head south a few blocks to McCormick Place for a $15 bottle of water, and flush those pipes at one of the seven occasionally open Port-a-Potties dotting the cracked bike trail. Ping-pong bar mixology!

Music

Observe a leisurely, unsullied view of the historic FirstMerit Bank Pavilion, permanent host of Ticketmaster’s Class Action Settlement Concert Series. Crank some tunes out the radio of your Toyota Tercel, and it’s an all-night dance party til the break of September 5th, the first time in the calendar year the area is used. Laughing young professionals!

Your tour guide

The knowledgeable entrance attendant can give you a classic lowdown on the history of walking out of the booth to help people with their tickets. Tres authentique!

Drawbacks

Be careful out there; it’s not just broken glass and Snapple caps. Just last week, Father Michael Pfleger, a stained glass depiction of a press conference, compared the Friends of the Parks to the Gangster Disciples as retribution for the lobbying group’s entirely-legal activities. So be wary after sundown. If you’re not paying attention, you may find yourself pamphleted to death. Netflix couples massage speakeasy!

Hours

For the George Lucas Empty South Soldier Field Parking Lot Complex, 24/7/365. Unsustainable lifestyle!

Spot The Celeb

Unless you set up a bargaining table and bring everyone back to discuss both how a public land lease agreement can fail to provide funds for refurbishment of existing public lands and simultaneously why a private entity can’t build a profitable and modern artistic center over an existing eyesore, it’s unlikely the mayor or the entrepreneur will be popping their heads down there any time soon. But that's okay, you'll probably see a whole bunch of superstars in Washington Park at the Olympic Opening Ceremony in a few weeks. Now there's a high-revenue compromise success story. Best of Chicago!

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Sean Sullivan is a writer for “The Koch Brothers Mystery Show” podcast, now in its second season.