Is This Article Satire?

What is satire?

Donald Trump recently called on Russia to hack into Hillary Clinton’s email. To later avoid charges of treason, Trump said he was, of course, being “sarcastic” when he asked a foreign power to compromise the security of a U.S. political figure. It’s a fairly common gag with the billionaire sect. Modern technology allows individuals—wealthy or prominent or not— to speak to a wide audience and have their words kept on record. That’s why it’s important we have an out when we say something stupid…like “just kidding.”

Here are a few signs what you’re reading is not meant to be taken seriously or used in a court of law.

The person sincerely doesn’t want to get in trouble

“It was just a joke” is a common defense for many bullies, but--just like trigonometry and analyzing The Great Gatsby--it has numerous practical applications outside of high school. Donald Trump isn’t the only one to avoid accusations of racism, sexism and stupidity through claims of insincerity.

An infamous “male rights activist” posted an article online that sung the praises of legalizing rape— until newfound attention caused him to change his tune. When the media caught wind of his misogynistic diatribe, the author revealed his true intentions were satirical all along. You see, comedy is all about timing, and it’s always best to deliver the punchline seconds before you suffer any consequences.

If, however, people seem to agree with what you say…feel free to claim it’s one of your core beliefs, or, if it tends to ramble, a thought piece.

It seems to good to be true

Let’s say you hate the current Democratic presidential nominee with Bernie Bro-nian passion. Like, if you saw an article with the headline “Hillary Clinton Unmasked as Famous Swindler Edward J. Benghazi,” you would probably rush to the nearest social media headquarters to ensure it was at the top of every American’s feed.

You would be so quick to share news that aligns your pre-established belief that Clinton is a 1920s film-flam man that you wouldn’t actually read the article. If you did, you might notice that the names “Scooby and the gang” cited as the primary investigators, and the source site seems to be primarily sponsored by the KKK and/or the cellulite industry.

Websites count on you just passing on the infuriating headlines, so they don’t worry about putting jokes in their satirical articles. To show we’re different:

Q: How many satirists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 

A: Two. One to turn the bulb, and the other to make sure the piece can be read in the right light. 

The content is unimportant

At the same time, it’s essential for comedians to clearly indicate what they are saying is a joke, or people may feel the need to think. Many online platforms add a satirical title, aka an “ignore this” label. Comedy should be about how men and women are direct and the viscous properties of banana peels, not anything important.

You don’t want to read an article and decide if it’s satire using context and your own sense of reason, because reading sucks. Plus, if you get it wrong, you could end up eating a whole bunch of Irish babies before someone explains Jonathon Swift to you.

Why bother reading The Da Vinci Code, Forrest Gump or a volleyball instruction manual when you can just watch Tom Hanks act these things out? Soon all news data will be delivered via emoticons and memes… so people don’t get bored choosing the leader of their country.

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C.J. Tuor is currently at sea performing with Second City Theatricals.