No, I'm Not Paid To Cheer For Trump--I'm Just Following Him On Tour!

My name is Raul F. Parson, and I am a very, very vocal Trump supporter.

You might recognize my hoots and hollers after such comments as, “failing pile of garbage” and the eloquent, “Mexico in some form…will reimburse us, and they will reimburse us for the cost of the wall. That will happen.”

I hate when the fact-controlled media shares information from credible sources that say everyone you hear cheering at Trump press conferences, private meetings and date nights with Melania are paid shills.

Many of us just simply can’t contain ourselves when we hear this master wordsmith craft an immortal stuttering phrase or gets off a really good zinger against those desperately seeking answers for the public. Man, when The Donald called the entire CNN organization “fake news,” it was just like watching Don Rickles!

I’m an original Don-Pawn. I was following him way before making racist comments was cool (or at least completely overlooked by supporters). It’s  so refreshing to hear from an entertainer who doesn’t care about political correctness, because I hate politicians and people who are correct.

I was with him from his very first hit, “Show me the birth certificate!” I was there when he addressed nearly hundreds of us at his inauguration. I understand when he says it felt like millions, because I personally was screaming like 10,000 maniacs (who sadly chose not to perform).

Enough of the silent majority; it’s time for an obnoxiously loud minority.

How can you not cheer with enthusiasm when he vividly describes your country's landscape as being “rusted out factories, scattered like tombstones across the landscape”? Speaking of graveyards, did you guys catch his show in front of the CIA Memorial Wall? I was so lucky to get in! And no, I wasn’t paid to attend. The Trump administration was just nice enough to give me $1o,ooo for cab fare.

Some of you may say it was "tacky" to cheer and applaud in such a somber environment during a crucial transition meeting, but as long as The Donald is doing his classic disagreeing with facts set list, I will go full “Married with Children” studio audience member.

Sure, I may not work for the press, but if I wasn’t at press conferences, who would applaud when Trump says the media is dying? It’s a role that needs to be filled, and this president is a job creator. In fact, I may be up for Secretary of Agriculture!

The best part of all is that it looks like the show is never going to end. Despite what actual events transpire, Mr. President will always find a way to make himself look good and/or forcefully squeeze in his signature catchphrases. He doesn’t waste time answering questions; he’s just there for us...the people who are there to cheer for him.

In fact, you can catch me tonight during The Donald's one-on-one interview with David Muir. I’ll be the guy you hear applauding off-camera when Trump says our government is a complete disaster, and I have a feeling a few of you will be nodding along.

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C.J. Tuor is a frequent contributor to The Second City Network. He is a founding member of “Hitch*Cocktails” at The Annoyance Theater and “Clued In: An Improvised Murder Mystery” at Judy’s Beat Lounge.