A Very Special 'Sesame Street' Especially For President Trump: B Is For Budget

Muppets don’t get mad; they get educating.

“Sesame Street,” public television’s favorite multicultural inner city street, often helps Viewers Like You with difficult concepts--like letters, numbers, emotions and all the other topics President Trump has trouble with. His budget proposal would cut funding to PBS, ”Sesame Street”’s original zip code, and its loyal inhabitants are ready to resist.

Here is the outline for a brand new show put together to help Donald the Grump find his way to where the air is sweet...before the EPA disappears, too.

This episode is brought to you by the letters I, O and U….because a country can’t declare bankruptcy as often as Trump's businesses do.

Nest Eggs Are Hard To Crack

We kick of this episode explaining to Donald Trump that budgets are hard.

Big Bird wants to start making a budget right away, but he has to read a whole bunch of numbers first. It’s tough! Sure, he’d rather be playing golf and hanging out with his teddy bear in their secret clubhouse, Bird-a-Lago--but birds can only go south for the winter, not every other weekend.

C is for “Complete Picture”

It seems Cookie Monster is in charge of buying groceries for a party, but he doesn’t want to buy a variety of snacks that everybody will enjoy! He just wants to buy cookies! His supporters really should have realized this before they gave him this job.

Donald Trump can’t put all of our money into the military. He needs to invest in education, healthcare and infrastructure. Cookie Monster will help Donald learn that nuclear missiles are just a “sometimes” expense.

Alternative Woolly Mammoths

Trump says programs like Meals on Wheels don’t show results, but maybe he just doesn’t want to see them. Mr. Snuffleupagus talks about a time when he was called FAKE NEWS, and you can’t build policy by just ignoring the giant hairy elephant in the room, can you?

A Balance Built For Two

Bert and Ernie are best friends, just like Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin! But just because Bert brags about his shiny new bike, it doesn’t mean Ernie should use that as an excuse to buy a bigger bike….this is once again about nuclear weapons...please don’t blow up the world.

Also, Bert tells us how sad he was when Ernie lied about never meeting him while under oath.

Old Friends Are Not Threats

Maria comes back to Sesame Street to say hello to Donald. She has nothing to say about the budget. We just think it would be good for him to spend more time with Latinx people.

Not-So-Bigly Numbers

The episode slows down a little bit as the gang realizes Donald has a hard time differentiating which numbers are larger than others. The Count will show Trump that the number of U.S. citizens killed by anything else is bigger than the number of U.S. citizens killed by refugees from the countries in his travel ban…which is zero.

Fun fact: A popular vote of 65,844,600 and 10 is bigger than 62,979,600 and 36...36! Ah HA HA HA!

*Lightning Crash*

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C.J. Tuor is a frequent contributor to The Second City Network. He is a founding member of “Hitch*Cocktails” at The Annoyance Theater and “Clued In: An Improvised Murder Mystery” at Judy’s Beat Lounge.