The Second City’s (Mostly Terrible) Reasons to Vote on Election Day

At The Second City, most of us are dead serious about three things: playing pretend, disappointing the parents who wanted us to become doctors or professional athletes or oil tycoons ... and voting. On Tuesday, Nov. 8, we get to do all three!

Here are 17 of The Second City’s reasons to vote on Election Day. Because as a wise registered voter once said, “We’re all equal in the voting booth. Just not on the dance floor.”

“Vote because election monitors are 100 percent sexy, single and ready to mingle!” —Andy Eninger

“Once you're dead, you won't be able to vote anymore. (At least that's the story we're going with.)”   —Ranjit Souri

“I vote because I like knowing who's in control of my vagina. (Me).” —Julie Marchiano 

“Vote so you can brag about it on your OkCupid profile.” —Sarah Little

“It would be a shame to not take part in voting for either America's first female president ... or America's last-ever president.” —Wen Powers 

“How else will we make room for future incompetent boors if we don't unseat the current incompetents?” —Jack Bronis

“I'm voting so my lady bits can continue to be looked after by the good folks at Planned Parenthood ... and don't fall out.” —Caroline Thrasher

“I've been told you get a Subway coupon?” —Sam Super

“Vote because too many people think ‘plutocracy’ is a ride at Disney World.”  —Jeremy Dabbs

“I’m voting so if Trump wins and I have to move to Tahiti, at least I can say I tried.” —Andrea Miller

“Participate in the time-honored tradition of electing judges solely by the coolness of their names.”  —Ranjit Souri

“I'm voting so the Dems can control the Senate, and I can control my uterus.” —Kerri Morrison

“I primarily vote because of social issues. Also, I don't think anyone would take me seriously talking about the economy while in my 30s and still living off of Easy Mac.” —Lauren Phillips Welke

“To get an ‘I Voted!’ sticker, because everyone posts a photo of their sticker on Election Day, and you don't want to be left out.” —Dana Angelo

“My Tuesdays are normally pretty light, so I like having plans.” —Julie Marchiano

“You voted for your favorite on 'American Idol,' so why not?” —Andy Eninger

This post also appears on redeyechicago.com.