Are You a Sh*tty Cubs Fan?

It's exciting when a city rallies around a sports team. It's even more exciting when that team hasn't gone all the way in over 100 years. So, we understand if you've jumped on the Cubs bandwagon-- but the least you can do is prove you know how to answer these quiz questions.

1. Kris Bryant is:

A) An up and coming Lyft driver

B) Cuter than a mama kitten nursing orphan hedgehogs!

C) Candidate for Rookie of the Year

D) Super dreamy

2. Joe Maddon is:

A) Former manager of the Tampa Bay Rays

B) Warby Parker's new spokesmodel

C) Creator of that video game your kid is always playing

D) Your next-door neighbor

3. Your favorite baseball team in Chicago:

A) Hasn't won a World Series in over a century

B) I like *both* baseball teams in Chicago!

C) I prefer hockey to baseball, but the Cubs are doing pretty good, right?

D) Is another city's team, but I'll get on board since I live here....

4. Going to Wrigley Field:

A) Means I will blow my food budget for the week on beer

B) Means I will blow my photo quota for the week on selfies

C) Means I will blow off work on Friday and get shitcanned in the bleachers

D) Means I will have a minor religious experience

5. The last time you were at a game:

A) Was when the Sox and Cubs played

B) Was with your grandma sitting in your regular season ticket seats

C) Was when you were five

D) Was when your boss gave you free tickets

6. When the Cubs have a 3-0 lead in the 8th inning, you:

A) Are cautiously optimistic...there's still a lot of game left to play

B) Know you have this one sewn up

C) Leave -- you want to get a jump on traffic

D) Hope the game wraps up soon -- they've stopped selling beer

7. The best way to get to Wrigley Field:

A) Is to drive.; it's not like there will be a lot of traffic...I'm sure I'll find parking

B) Go early and make sure to stop off at Yak-Zies or Barleycorn to pre-game

C) Take public transportation and get off at Sheridan instead of Addison; there will be less people there

D) Walk-- it's not like there will be a lot of people; I'm sure I'll find my friends

8. I keep myself occupied at a game by:

A) Taking selfies and posting them on Instagram

B) Hanging out in the Captain Morgan Club

C) Listening to the game on the radio and keeping an official scorebook

D) Playing Moundball

9. When the Cubs beat the Pirates, I thought to myself:

A) "THIS IS THE BEST NIGHT EVER!"

B) "We're done now, right?"

C) "Good. Now we can really get to work."

D) "YAAAAASSS! Jager Bomb!"

10. On Friday, I will be watching the game:

A) What game?

B) At Busch Stadium

C) In Wrigleyville at a bar TBD

D) At my house

Scoring: If you really need someone to tell you what the "right" answers to these questions are, you are truly a shitty Cubs fan. But we'll give you +10 points for reading an article about being a Cubs fan--the even shittier "fans" are flipping their playoff tickets for crazy amounts of money instead of going to the game. Selfie on, you drunk mofo.

________________________________________________________________

Jocelyn Geboy (@smussyolay) is a writer and improviser who founded Three Left Productions and blogs for Chicago Now at An Unquiet Chicagoan.