Are You Funny *OR* Beautiful?

Michael Eisner, former Disney CEO and apparent Beauty & Humor Expert, has come under fire recently for comments he made to Goldie Hawn at the Aspen Ideas Festival when he remarked that “the hardest artist to find is a beautiful, funny woman.”

I don’t understand the backlash he’s received about these comments. People are missing the important message: woman *can* be funny! He finally put an end to the age-old question. He’s just saying that women can’t be funny if they also happen to be beautiful.

And what woman would want to be both funny and beautiful, anyway? That sounds exhausting. We just earned the right to be funny; we shouldn’t also have to be attractive while we make people laugh.

How am I supposed to zip a witty one-liner at a coworker when I’m reapplying my lipstick? Or tell a hilarious anecdote while aggressively trying to reformat my ribcage so I can fit into Spanx? The truth is that I can’t, so I have to choose one or the other.

So ladies, if you’re having difficulty figuring out whether you’re funny or beautiful--since we all can’t ask Michael Eisner, He Who Deems the Aesthetic and Comedic Value of Women-- here’s a flow chart to help you figure it out:

Lindsey Finn is a Chicago freelance writer and performer. She can be seen regularly at the Annoyance Theatre. This is a pilot she helped make. And this is her tweeting:@LindseyMFinn.