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Just because you gave up on your childhood dream of becoming a professional librarian doesn't mean you can't celebrate National Library Week. Got a library card? Then let's party-- right along with our laminated little tickets to fun.
8. Library cards don't just have to be pocket-sized symbols of social isolation and loneliness. They can also serve as wallet-sized cutlery. Use your card as a plastic knife and say good-bye to cutting cold fried chicken with a twig.
7. Why settle for a squiggly line when there's a card that can help you do the job right there in your Wrangler butt pocket, MacGyver? Your library card can be a ruler when you need to organize your place values in a pinch.
6. Short a drum set at your desk? No problem. You've got a library card. With a pencil and a library card, you'll be the office John Bonham. Related hack: Staplers and trash cans make for great cymbals!
5. You're re-reading War and Peace. It's long. You need a bookmark. Why not use that library card to mark your spot? As an added bonus, with the card so busy holding your place, you'll resist that aching urge to borrow more classic, lengthy novels.
4. If you left your keys inside your house--or don't actually own a particular house--a library card is a sure-fire way to enter a locked door. I know what you're thinking-- "No! You mean credit cards! Library cards can't do that!" Says the person who's never tried.
3. You forgot a hat and sunscreen? Fear not. You've got a library card. Make it a visor and shade yourself with it.
2. It's a talking piece at parties. "Look, everyone! I've got a library card!" Hold it up proud! Say it loud! Conversation started. Like this one:
“Hey, man! You read!?”
“Yep.”
“Do you like looking through old National Geographics for boobs?”
“Yep.”
“Do you not pay for internet and use it at the library for free, but tell others that you're only there because your internet is down?”
“Yep.”
“Awesome! Me, too!”
1. Read stuff. That's right. Library cards aren't *just* for organizing drugs into neat little lines. You can actually borrow books with them. I know what you're thinking--“You mean credit cards?” No! This is the biggest library card hack of all. You can actually read books without buying them. You don't even need a credit card. Take that, Kindle.
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Wes Armstrong is a Canadian teacher and writer based in Osaka, Japan. Follow him on Twitter @mrstoneycreek.
