Cities the NHL Should Consider for Expansion

Alright, hockey fans! This is the time to get excited! The NHL is looking at expanding, and despite reports that they are seriously considering Las Vegas, Seattle, Kansas City, Milwaukee, Quebec City, and Toronto as potential expansion sites, they haven't ruled out anywhere. That means there's hope for everyone out there!

Here are a few cities we hope will send in their applications to the NHL ASAP.

The beautiful thing about expanding to Sault Ste. Marie is that on either side of the Michigan/Canadian border, there is a city called Sault Ste. Marie. Two cities with the same name, next to each other, in two countries! Expanding there would be a great way for the NHL to appease the hockey-hungry Canadian public with the feeling that they've got a new team...even though they don't. "Haha! Joke's on you again, Canada! Gretzky took hockey south, and it's not coming back! Wait till we take Kraft Dinner and Don Cherry!"

All sports leagues need to expand to new, dynamic markets. Hence, the NHL is interested in Las Vegas. Let's think more exotically. Cuba is only a short distance from Miami, thus setting up a natural rivalry between the Cuban team and Miami's Florida Panthers. Sure, you would need to take some time to teach everyone there what "hockey" is. Maybe you'd even need to teach them what a sweater is or what ice is, but I think this could work. The team could be called the Missile Crisis-- the Cuban Missile Crisis! Every time they take the ice, the "cold war" will be alive and well in Havana.

For those of you saying, "Too soon!" or "Distasteful!" might I remind you that this year's NHL champion team is called the "Blackhawks."

More and more hockey players are coming to the NHL from Russia. It only makes sense that the NHL takes Sarah Palin's word for it and expands to a place where people can see Russia from their backyards. Geography is Anchorage's greatest asset-- scouts need only sit back in their Adirondack chairs and gaze through high-powered telescopes to watch the next Ovechkin in action. Or just taking wrist shots at bears in Siberia. Plus, it's freaking cold. And for those of you out there who've forgotten, hockey is played on ice, not sand dunes.

Okay, guys...you know what you have to do. If you love hockey, then get your friends together and start a GoFundMe page. Ask the public for 500 million dollars. Sounds insurmountable, but all you need is 1 million people to donate 500 dollars each. When you put that way, it sounds even more insurmountable.

Then, you just need to come up with a cool name, like the Bulldogs or the Leotarded Ones. And you'll also need to build an arena. So get on a device, crack open Minecraft and start putting together mock-ups for the beautiful arena you'll put somewhere in your town. Pie in the sky, maybe. But when NHL commissioner Mr. Gary Bettman sees all the intricate details you put into your Minecraft arena mock-up, plus the 500 million dollars you've raised, how could he really say no to putting a franchise in Flin Flon, Manitoba; Paris, Texas; Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan, or wherever the heck it is you live? The answer is he won't be able to.

So there you have it. If past decisions are any indication of future decisions, the NHL will expand into the most ridiculous place possible. Good luck with your Kickstarter campaigns, hockey fans.

Wes Armstrong is a Canadian teacher and writer based in Osaka, Japan. Follow him on Twitter @mrstoneycreek.