Holiday Dos and Don’ts for People with Food Allergies

It has long been known that there are two things you never discuss at the dinner table: politics and religion. Thanks to modern science and the “Everyone Gets A Ribbon” generation, we can now add a third to the list—food allergies. Want to watch someone’s face contort in under five seconds? Ask them how they feel about gluten.

Here are a few dos and don’ts when it comes to not alienating people at the dinner table with your insufferable food allergies this holiday season.

DO attend your office’s “non-specific holiday” potluck, even if you only nosh on celery and the non-dairy tiramisu.

DON’T bring a dish with a title longer than your own. No one wants to try your “famous” non-gluten/non-dairy/non-soy/non-edible mac and cheese. Even worse, don’t try to convince people that “seriously, you can’t even taste the difference!” You are too well-liked in the office to become that person.

DO indulge and enjoy the wine tasting, even if your sugar intolerance causes your neck to double in size from enlarged lymph nodes.

DON’T forget to seize this opportunity to don that winter scarf you bought last season on sale!

DO partake in the dairy-filled appetizers at Friendsgiving.

DON’T forget to pull out your black leather holiday dress from your “skinny phase” in college for the following night’s gathering with all your friends from high school in your home town. Since you spent the whole day in the bathroom, your stomach is now totally flat.

DO make a Pinterest attempt at peanut butter bites that look like reindeer! Are peanuts even really nuts? Or are they legumes?

DON'T get a run in your sparkly Kate Spade party tights when you suddenly haphazardly jam the EpiPen through them!

DO go ahead and sample the fancy shellfish tower at your friend’s New Year’s Eve soiree! After all, shrimp is more expensive than Benedryl.

DON’T miss out on the opportunity for selfies! Your lips will be perfectly plump and bright red!

DO happily agree to go eat at that new trendy sushi place for your friend of a friend’s bachelorette party dinner. Who cares that the menu is swimming in soy!

DON’T wear one of your favorite going out tops! That way when they cut open your shirt in the ER, you’re not out a $75 spangly tank from J. Crew.

DO give in on your mother-in-laws fourth plea for your to "just try the potato latke; a little egg won't hurt you!"

DON'T have the ambulance pick you up at the front door, otherwise, you just look like you’re asking for attention.

Rachel LaForce is an ensemble member for The Second City Touring Company. Follow her on Twitter @raelaforce or visit her website.