What to Expect When You're a Balding Improviser

Being on an improv team is a wonderful and amazing experience because you get to collaborate and play in the world of make-believe with people of all colors, backgrounds, shapes and sizes. You'll find common ground with those around you who share the same interests...as well as the same hair-related genetic defects.

Can I get a suggestion for types of shiny heads? 

When your group dances out with excessive pelvic thrusts to "Sweet Child O’ Mine" and asks for a suggestion, be ready for someone sitting in the front row to immediately and stoically say... “balding.”

Related suggestions: "bald," “barren wasteland on your head”

Interruptions on the reg

Prepare for audience members to shout out, “HEY, that guy's losing his hair!” or, “are those tumbleweeds blowing across his scalp?!” on a regular basis. Each interruption will follow with uproarious baboon-like laughter. There’s a 50% chance that the show will be derailed due to an anti-balding comment.

Note: It’s typically from Greek men in white suits with pony tails.

The balding bond

While being a member of an improv team already brings about a tight-knit family-like bond, you’ll also find connection alongside the other balding members of your team. And they will exist. Statistically speaking, one out of every two males on an improv team is balding. If they aren't bald at the start, they will be after a month or two due to the physical stress incurred from improv comedy. In short, you’re not alone, and the other thin-haired members of the balding brigade know exactly what it’s like to start and end their day with a dollop of Rogaine.

You team will inevitably be called...

“The Balding Eagles.” Your teammates will undoubtedly agree that this is the perfect name, explaining why there are multiple "Balding Eagles" teams popping up at exponential rates across the hair-deficient world.

Say my name, Sinéad.

Having nicknames is what brings people closer together. Be prepared for bald-headed celebrity nicknames when you’re in an improv group. They will most always be presented in the form of a question. For example, "who are you…George Costanza?" However, you may receive them in a declarative context as well, such as, “take it easy, Vin Diesel.”

Good luck charmer

Aside from the regular Zip, Zap, Zop and Good Cop/Bald Cop warm-up games you’ll play before every show, be prepared for each member of the team to place their hands on your balding dome like a crystal ball and make a wish, 'cause that head of yours really IS good luck, baby.

Ryan Nallen is an actor, writer and improviser in Chicago. He is a graduate of iO, The Second City Conservatory and the Annoyance Theater.