How To Raise The Cash To Afford Those Cubs Season Ticket Price Hikes

The Cubs announced that season ticket prices will go up almost 20 percent next year. Before you throw in the W flag, let's spitball some ways to raise the cash to pay for some World Series Champ-quality baseball.

Cut the subscription cord

Netflix. Spotify. Even Amazon Prime. Cancel ‘em. Sure, they seem necessary, but you don’t need to shell out $10 a month for stuff you can get for free. Lose these albatrosses around your neck faster than the Cubs said goodbye to Jorge Soler. You have friends; use them. They'll be calling your ass up for game tickets soon enough, so make sure you get those passwords in exchange.

Stop with the snobby brew already

The craft brews. All the cold brews. Enough. You're gonna be spending all your time at the ballpark anyway, so just get to the heart of the matter: cheap beer and some morning heart starter. Stop acting like Bud Light and Dunkin' Donuts aren't what you actually prefer. Get back to your roots and save some ticket scratch.

You're dead to me, James Taylor

You go for the ball games. Dead & Company? What & the hell? While a baseball team is a living, breathing entity that is never-ending, everyone needs to understand that The Grateful Dead died in 1995, when Jerry Garcia did. Let’s move on. Hey, I actually really do love me some “Sweet Baby James,” but we don't need to hear that from Wrigley Field. We don't even need to hear that from $150 lawn seats at Ravinia. We can hear that from our back deck, at home, while using that sweet, sweet concert revenue to fund our season tickets.

No more charity cigarettes

You know those people who offer you a buck for a cigarette? The girl sitting next to you on the couch who probably inspired Cecily Strong's "Girl You Wish You Hadn't Started a Conversation With at a Party." The bro who never smokes “except when he drinks,” and now he’s on his fifth PBR and about to ask for his fifth ciggy. They're offering you cash money for those smokes. Stop acting like you don't care, and take their money. Maybe next time they’ll stop and think about if they really did “quit” or if they just “quit buying their own.”

Sorry!

Everyone loves to gamble—but not everyone has the drive or the wherewithal to do it. There really is strategy to poker, and the casino boats are intimidating and sad. But everyone knows how to play Sorry! Soon, the sounds of the Pop-O-Matic on the Trouble board will be like the sound of money in your pocket, because you’re gonna start playing board games. For money. Once you get the competitive spirit going among your friends, there’s no limit to what they’ll pay to wager on a round of Yahtzee or Trivial Pursuit. Just remember to keep it to games you’re actually good at and have some control over. Screw Jenga.

Good luck with your fundraising efforts, and if you can’t come up with the dough before next season's tickets goes on sale, you’ve probably got some time. After all, there are 100,000 people on the Cubs season ticket waiting list.

Sorry!

This post also appears on redeyechicago.com

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Jocelyn Geboy (@smussyolay) is a writer and improviser in Chicago.