Please Stay Together for the Sake of That Glorious Rosé

Unless you’re the kind of person who’s been too wrapped up in the multitude of significant world events currently unfolding (like tonight's monumental presidential debate that every single American should 1000% watch, and here's how) then you’re aware of the totally sucky thing that happened:

Angelina Jolie filed for divorce from Brad Pitt.

The media’s attention so far has focused on the possible reasons for the split, custody and treatment of the children, and also lots and lots of Jennifer Aniston memes. But there’s something that no one is talking about, and that’s the plea I’d like to make right here, right now.

Please, Brad and Angelina. Stay together. For the sake of the rosé.

Wait, what? You didn’t know that the now-defunct power pair own the French winery responsible for producing Miraval Cotes de Provence rosé, a refreshingly delicate pink wine in the prettiest bottle? Almost too pretty, guys. It’s the kind of bottle you save, because one day, you’d like to place a single blooming peony in it atop your étagère, right next to the vintage perfume bottles you’ve always meant to start collecting.

And it tastes good, too. There are notes of wild strawberries, flowers and Crest Whitestrips—with just the most understated hint of emotional betrayal. Leave the bottle open a little while, and I bet the full flavors will reveal themselves, if the gossip magazines don’t uncover them first!

If you’ve never tasted their wine and you don’t understand why it possibly going away could be a crisis, let me explain it like so: Remember when the water in Flint, Mich., was toxic and full of lead? (It’s fixed now, right? Dunno, no one really mentions it anymore.) Imagine if you lived in Flint, and you couldn’t get access to clean water to prepare your infant’s baby formula. That’s like what this divorce could mean for wine lovers, except worse, because water is relatively cheap and comes out of your faucet at home, but Miraval rosé is like 20-something bucks and you have to physically go to Binny’s or Costco to get it.

So on behalf of all my fellow addicts between the ages of 26-49 who are already bummed enough that rosé is almost passé now that it’s nearly cabernet hibernation season, maybe stick it out, Brangelina. Linger in your unhappiness a little longer. Maybe just until the 2016 rosé is matured and out of the chateau, because there are so many of us who love lapping up every last drop we can squeeze out of you.

This post also appeared on redeyechicago.com

______________________________________________________________

Liz Kozak (@LizKoz) is going to need a lot of rosé to watch tonight's presidential debate.