Even Blocking Bruce & Internet Porn Isn't Enough for North Carolina

In case you haven’t heard, 2016 is off to a bad start for the state of North Carolina.

The city of Charlotte recently passed an ordinance protecting transgender people who choose to use the bathroom that corresponds with their gender identity. One month later, North Carolina Governor, Pat McCrory, burned that legislation to the ground by signing HB2 into law.

HB2 has been described by the ACLU as "the most extreme anti-LGBT measure in the country." Which may sound like a totally righteous energy drink, but in actuality is a terrible way to restrict the freedoms of some of the state’s most vulnerable constituents.

The passing of HB2 has not gone without repercussions. Bruce Springsteen cancelled a concert in Greensboro to show support for the LGBTQ community. PayPal and Deutsche Bank both pulled business, costing the state 650 potential new jobs. James Taylor stopped going to Carolina in his mind. And yet, Governor McCrory refused to back down.

And, then the worst happened. On Tuesday, porn site xHamster blacked out access for people in North Carolina who support HB2. And all of a sudden, things started changing.

Later that day, Governor McCrory tried to save face by revising parts of HB2’s legislation, presumably in response to the backlash (but definitely mainly in response to the porn thing.) And while the new law expands equal employment policies to include sexual orientation and gender, the bathroom portion of the bill remains untouched. Kind of like Governor McCrory’s dick, while trying to access xHamster.

Since restricting internet porn seems to be the only thing getting through to the North Carolina state government, here are a few other extreme measures businesses can employ to show their support for the repeal of HB2.

• HBO blocking access to the new season of Game of Thrones for anyone who supports gender policing.   
• Tinder changing their algorithm so HB2 enthusiasts can only swipe left.
• Domino’s restricting access to their pizza tracker, so HB2 fans never get to see their pizza grow up.
• Netflix and other streaming sites banding together to prevent HB2 lovers from ever watching the finale of Breaking Bad.
• Facebook forcing HB2 supporters to be in a Facebook group with LGBTQ advocates, where they can’t talk--only listen.

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Ilana Gordon is a Chicago improviser, actress and writer. You can find her published works on McSweeney’s Internet Tendency, Reductress, Mashable and bathroom stall doors across America. You can follow her on Twitter and catch her web series “Real Home Workouts” here.