Flip the Script on These Costume Clichés to Win Halloween

We are deep into October now, which means it’s open season on Halloween. You’ve got barely enough time left to get your head in the game and make some one-of-a-kind twists on these standard-issue costumes that you know there’s gonna be way too many of come Halloween party time.

Donald Trump

Low-hanging fruit, right? It's topical, and he already looks like he's wearing a wig and makeup. But let's take it out of the box. “Zombie Trump” is mildly more interesting, but dress up as the wall he wants to build? Now that’s an interesting take and will impress your architect and engineer pals. If you can't muster up that much effort for a costume, go as yourself with a one-way ticket to Canada, aka “Any Rational Sane Person, Should Trump Become President.”

If you really want to push the envelope, just grab a cat and bring it along with you, whether it consents to being your Halloween accessory or not.

Hillary Clinton

My guess is most revelers who swing this way won't be dressed in tribute to her, so skip the overtly obvious pantsuit and go as a classified email from her notorious personal server. Be the plate of cookies she got crap for refusing to bake all those years ago. Be a basket of deplorables. A sexy basket of deplorables. Or just go as Monica Lewinsky singing Beyoncé lyrics while holding a copy of “50 Shades of Grey,” cause that seems to be super-relevant to some people for some reason.

Garden-variety animals

Cat, dog, rabbit, pig. C’mon, dude. Don't let an opportunity to be visually sarcastic and Delia Deetz-levels of dark go squandered. Suggest you and your squad go as a gaggle of these classics: Cecil the Lion (remember him?!), Harambe or Tilikum, the whale from “Blackfish.”

Cute food

No one needs another bunch of grapes or bacon and eggs couples’ costume. Be a bummed-out loaf of bread that is losing the war against gluten-free diets. Be a mangosteen (that’s a real fruit) and try to convince everyone to buy your magic elixir that’s not only guaranteed to heal everything, but will also land you smack-dab in the middle of a pyramid scheme. Or just go as a kiwi. No one ever goes as a kiwi.

Working girls

Nurse, librarian, dominatrix, maid. These are the sexed-up costumes a lot of ladies are drawn to. Yawn. Flip that overdone “sexy” script and go as someone dirty. Or crazy. Or creepy. Or degenerate. Or all of those things, like Ann Coulter and Donald Trump (see above).

The deep cuts

Go for the costumes only real insiders will get. In a sea of Ken Bones (even Sexy Ken Bone, which is a real thing you can buy), be a Karl Becker. A David Ross. The demolished McDonald's across from Wrigley. You and the people who get it can all feel smugly superior, and that’s how you win Halloween.

This post also appears at redeyechicago.com.

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Jocelyn Geboy (@smussyolay) is a writer and improviser in Chicago.