Do You 'Still Got It'? A Quiz With the Answers All Filled In For You!

Q: Can a publication still refer to you as a "girl," even though at 47 years old, you've lived enough life to be referred to as the fully-grown adult woman you've legally been for 29 years?

(Also, is beauty a life well-lived or is the young-staying secrets? So confused.)

A: Um, whatever People says.

Q: Is the most celebrated part(s) of your human body actually your hair shafts, which exhibit zero biochemical activity and are therefore technically dead?

A: Depends--did I actually grow the hair myself?

Q: Is it truthful to say that though you've lived enough life, you haven't lived too much-- like, you didn't go and do anything "extreme" to your face to remain a functioning member of society, but instead you cannot leave your house without being reminded by the whole world that it didn't go as other people who are not you planned?

A: That's a trick question. It's not up to me to decide if what I did or didn't choose to do to my countenance is pleasing to others.

Q: Did you/do you earn your living by being genetically exquisite, but then "time" happened, and now some people are astonished by the fact that someone who was once young and hot can be slightly-less-young-but-still-hot in a way that we all understand and are comfortable with? Like in a bathing suit? Or walking dogs with one shoulder exposed? 

A: It's a shocker, right?

Q: Were you required to go to the extreme length of releasing an entire hardcover book about how it's a PRIVILEGE you're getting older (lest we forget the alternative to aging is being dead) and appear on the cover makeup-free? (Well, *almost* makeup-free, don't be stupid. )

But shhhh, don't worry. The press will still just focus on the important stuff:

A: You tell me. Am I a hero? Or are people just cutting me some slack because I look "good..." you know...for 43.

Q: Can you be admired for daring to show off skin that has existed on this planet Earth longer than Kylie, Kendall and Taylor combined, plus an extra decade just for good measure?

A: YASSSS, WERK, SLAY, etcetera. You likey?

Q: And, in the very same month, did someone get pics of you at the mall that were published to make sure everyone knew what was reeeeeeeally going on there, Melisandre?

A: Fuckity fuck-fuck.

If you've still got it, congrats! If you don't, no worries. You can most likely land a job where the image of your body is used as a nightmare-inducing plot point...

...And then the person whose nubile body you're covering for might even throw you a patronizing bone in the press. But it's HBO, so it must be art. Right?

#reallysweet

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Liz Kozak (editor-in-chief) is on Twitter @LizKoz.