Avoid Ripping Off Your Family Members' Heads Prior to Election Day

By The Second City | Nov 3, 2016

Election Day is only a few days away, and families all across the nation are trying their best to not completely rip off the heads of their loved ones before November 8th. Here are five ways to deal with remembering you love your Aunt Kathy for her cookies, but you can’t deal with her bringing up "emails" one more time. Aunt Kathy can barely sign in to her Yahoo account. What would she even know about emails in the first place?

Block certain relations from seeing your social media posts

It’s absolutely okay to be talking about your frustrations and not keeping things bottled up inside. Pull a Donald Trump and just say the first thing on your mind. Just make sure to keep those thoughts as far away from your distant Southern relatives by blocking them from every single post you make on Facebook. They WILL comment. They WILL start arguments with your co-workers. You WILL cry about it to your significant other for several hours on date night. Just be glad their fingers are nowhere near the nuclear codes.

Grab Mom by the...heart

When your mom starts bringing up how she went to a "Latinas for Trump" meeting, just remember: you still love her. Your mom gave you life, supports you when you're down and will give helpful (if slightly passive-aggressive) comments about your weight. That’s what moms are for. Maybe instead of bringing up gun control issues, you can talk about what you ate for lunch today? A very organic, gluten-free burrito from the gay interracial couple who own the Taco Truck around the corner.

Reach across the aisle to your probably racist father-in-law

When your your wife's dad brings up "Stop and Frisk," how about you stop...and listen. How can you ask him to understand you if you don’t try to understand him? Break down the wall. Hear him out. Maybe he’s right about cutting taxes for the 1% and the media being rigged. Maybe Rosie O’Donnell is out to get him. Maybe if you attend one of his anti-abortion poker games, he’ll go to one of your Black Lives Matter protests. Or perhaps, he’s just getting older and having an “Aleppo” moment that's lasted 18 months.

Invite your wannabe D.J. cousin to spin at the Apocalypse

Nothing says “bonding moment” more than preparing for the inevitable armageddon that will ensue after post-election. Take your dropped-out-of-college-to-start-his-DJ-career cousin out to get supplies for your bomb shelter. Grab your tinfoil hats, your MREs and pop in a VHS copy of “Mad Max.” The end of days are near, but that doesn’t mean the end of your relationship!

Liberty and pizza for all

Spend quality time enjoying the electoral process together. Share special moments with your family by making red, white and blue cupcakes; host a mock debate between the family cat and dog; even host a citizenship trivia night and find out just how much American history any of you actually know! 

You may not always agree with your family on politics (I’m looking at you, Malik Obama and Stephen Baldwin), but remember that no matter what your differences are, you all still pledge allegiance to the flag. When dealing with kin, remember to be the “bigly” person. When they go low, you go...to the Bahamas for Thanksgiving.

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Diego Sanchez (@diegoinchicago) is an actor and writer who loves horchata, Boystown and Beyoncé.

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