Totally Fit in at Ravinia This Summer

It's open season at Ravinia Festival, Highland Park’s outdoor entertainment venue that’s classy as hell. This year's acts range from Bob Dylan to Seth MacFarlane— it’s like Spotify IRL!

BYOSC (Bring Your Own Sushi Chef)

The sprawling lawn is where all the action goes down. Even if you end up sitting on a washcloth-sized blanket next to a trashcan full of old potato salad, Ravinia is always an opulent outing--and I’m not even talking about the entertainment. Patrons pull out all the stops: chandeliers, baby grand pianos, an actual koi pond that fits conveniently in a Vera Bradley tote. Prepare your best “Wedding Crashers”-esque cover story, and you may even get in on someone’s crabcake action.

Dibs is the law of the lawn

Just like saving parking spaces during the winter season dig-out season, dibs rules the grass at Ravinia, and a prime blanket spot makes all the difference. Draw straws and send the loser ahead of your crew, like, seriously early. Like, go now. Really. The Metra is so easy, guys. Tell your buddy to guard that little four-foot by four-foot haven with his life, because the polite, civilized manner we operate with in regular society goes to hell here in Lake County, where picnic-ers fight over blanket territory with hand to hand combat and good old fashioned passive aggression.

Make friends in Highland Park

Getting out the parking lot is a wide-awake nightmare, so neighboring residents get very popular around this part of the year. Do you remember that cousin of your dentist’s friend that you met once and you think lives in Highland Park? CALL HIM! He might have a really big driveway. And be open to bribery.

Avoid the mom dancers at all costs

Bring a flashlight to make it back from the bathroom, otherwise you’re likely to stumble into a crowd of tipsy Winnetka yachters. It’s guaranteed that at some point, you’ll find yourself in unfamiliar territory. Prepare to witness some classic Elaine-and-those-thumbs mom dancing. If you do get swarmed, have no fear-- they turn on the sprinklers soon after the show to help urge lollygaggers to get moving. 

Remember why you’re there

Lastly, try to enjoy yourself. You’re in the hotsy totsy ‘burbs, baby-- just steps from where Ferris Bueller and company sent that Ferrari flying into a ravine. (Cameron’s house just a few blocks away!) Just make sure to remember you definitely aren’t there for the music. You are there to gorge yourself on fancy cheese and cheap wine-- but it’s not like when you do it in your apartment, because this time, you’re doing it while awkwardly sitting cross-legged in the woods. Ah, summertime!

This post also appears on redeyechicago.com

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Jake Grafstein is currently touring with Second City Theatricals at sea. Follow him on Twitter @jokelaughstein.