Nice Things to Think About Instead of Last Night's Debate

Last night's third and final Presidential Debate was the last time the two major party candidates shared a stage before the end of this almost intolerably rancorous campaign. With polls showing a narrow but consistent lead for former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton over businessman Donald J. Trump, the showdown was, by all accounts, a thing that happened. None of us, in fact, can unsee or unhear some of what went down at the University of Nevada:

"Such a nasty woman"

"You're a puppet."

"I will keep you in suspense."

Here are the five crucial things to put into your brain instead of the things we witnessed last night.

How cute this dog is!

Look at it! It’s a Shiba Inu! What a cute dog this is! The Shiba Inu is the smallest of the original Spitz breeds, and it’s got pointy ears and a sly lil’ smile and fits right in your arms! So cute! I bet that dog’s not thinking, “Will my 240-year-old republic be undermined by unsubstantiated and false claims of poll rigging?” She’s probably all “Arf, arf, arf!!”

You can buy 16-month calendars that are just sunsets.

So tranquil. So peaceful. We can count on the sunset to mark the end of the day, and we can count on the sunrise the next morning to let us know it’s time to greet the world again. Just like every time you think the sun has set on the foolish use of a private server, something the previous administration did to the tune of 667 times as many deleted statements, the sun comes shooting back up to burn brighter and brighter but somehow refuses to equally shine its light on the minute-by-minute disqualifying practices and statements of the most unqualified nominee in American history...okay, remember Dr. Aster told me to breathe in and out and look at that sunset boy I bet if you got close enough it wouldn’t be hot you’d just go like that. So tranquil, so peaceful....

This pile of ants...

...Which has come from nowhere and devour all. You may defeat the ants, for individually they are weak and will scurry, but now you know they exist everywhere, and when once you thought there was nothing, now you know the evil rises from the floorboards as it pleases and shall return. AHHHH!!! AHHHH!!!! AHHHHHH!!!!!

Blizzards at Dairy Queen!

Fuck Billy Bush.

If you ask someone for a hug and they say “yes,” then you can hug them.

Oh, man. We’re so close. We’re so close to being there. I just want the decent people I know to feel every bit as protected and safe as I get to feel, and even the people who are on the other side to feel they are welcome to join whenever they want. We can have real discussions, face to face, considering the humanity of the exchange and the person delivering it. I want to look at local solutions for local issues and feel inspired by the mechanisms of government which enact real change in our lives, rather than distressed by the dead-ends and hopelessness that turns so many away from the possibilities, content in the discontent of the armchair over the ephemeral mud of the trenches. Can I have a hug? Please?