The Second City’s Off-Base Best Wishes for Our Beloved Chicago Cubs

If you're superstitious like me, then repeat everything you did on the day of Game 6. I voted that day, so like a true Chicagoan, I'll be voting again. --Tyler Dean Kempf

To make sure the Cubbies win Game 7, I'm wearing the same clothes I wore in 1908. --Micah Philbrook

Secure your own personal bottle of Malört ASAP!! By the end of the night, every bar in Chicago will be completely dry of Carl Jeppson's sweet, sweet nectar. --Niq Schwartz

I live off the Sheridan Red Line, so just...please win. I think there's something in my lease that says if the Cubs lose I have to burn my house down? --Julie Marchiano

I promise to stop picturing Jake Arrieta pitching nude during Game 7. No, my fingers aren't crossed behind my back. --Dana Angelo

As a gay man, I vow not to shave my semi-thin to athletic body type today. Go Otters Go! --Jonny Nelson

The Cubs' strategy should be this: Keep your head in the game, play some solid baseball, try not to think about the crippling multi-generational anxiety of a city that could erupt into chaos and violent despair...and just have some fun! --Rammel Chan

Addison Russell, if you hit another grand slam tonight the city of Chicago promises to name a whole street after you. Just picture it! Out in front of Wrigley Field, you could be at the corner of Clark and Russell Streets! --Matt Mages

Don't overlook anyone or anything, especially second base (the middle child of the bases) and remember that if you lose, you are directly responsible for the dozens of "No Cubs No" parodies that will turn up on YouTube and northeast Ohio FM radio stations tomorrow. --Sean Sullivan

If Javier Baez wants to win, he needs a coach a la Susan Sarandon in “Bull Durham.” Conveniently, I'm not doing anything for the rest of the afternoon. --Andrew Martin

I'm not certain of the logistics, but I think if you win Game 7, Marty McFly can finally travel back to 1955 and prevent Trump from getting the “Grays Sports Almanac.” --Winter Davis

I will be providing a running anti-commentary to Joe Buck's blathering. You know, talking some good, old-fashioned sense. Cheering on my "boy" Bryant, telling "Tony" he's "got this," and yelling "Dex," "Zo," "Addi," "Schwarbs," "Javy," and other random pet names as prescribed. --Jocelyn Geboy

If Russell hits another Grand Slam, I'll promise to prank call Liam Neeson and tell him that I've taken EVERYTHING. --Vernon Mina

Whatever you do, DON'T sing the song from "A League of Their Own." Remember, the Peaches lost their final game. --Julia Morales

We can beat the Indians and win the series! The New Zealand cricket team has good form in Delhi. --Robbie Ellis

Vamos Cubs! --Mexican Harry Caray (Rolando Lepe)

Cubs bats need to find the balance between aggression and patience in facing Kluber. Also, avoid dairy. --Jana Liles

Less than one month before the Cubs won the World Series in 1908, Henry Ford produced his first Model T. Hardly a coincidence. So today, I'm building a model of a Model T with Popsicle sticks and leftover Halloween candy to clinch it for the Cubs. I'm not the hero you asked for, but I'm the hero you deserve. --Jessica Besser-Rosenberg

I'm Ohio born and raised. While contractually obligated to withhold actual good wishes to the Cubbies, we'd secretly be mostly satisfied to help another great city lift its own ancient, malevolent sports hex. --Brooke Preston

Since the Cubs won the pennant, I have been consuming an unhealthy amount of goat cheese. Must destroy as much of the animal as humanly possible by tonight. -Alice Stanley Jr.

I am slaughtering a goat later for barbacoa...wait...the Cubs play tonight? This should help. --Andrea Miller

I'm only eating nachos out of tiny helmets until they win. --Wolfgang Stein

If Anthony Rizzo hits another home run, I'll go with him to his senior prom. --Heather Scholl

As a show of solidarity, I refuse to partake of any of Cleveland’s wonderful exports until we win. This means no “Drew Carey Show” or...hmmm… --C.J. Tuor

Thank you, Cubs, for giving me something to talk about with my co-workers. Other than spreadsheets. --Diego Sanchez

Do you really want to make Bill Murray cry? --Andrew Thorp

Best wishes, Cubbies. Either way, Chicago burns! --Ross Taylor